Acute Anxiety

I am really struggling again.  I spent all day at uni yesterday, trying to work a repeat design in photoshop. Effectively I wasted yet another day.  I concluded I just do not have the design skills.  Also, I do not want to be a computer operator.  I need to handle the materials.  I am suppressing a rising surge of anxiety.

I am good at ideas and how to fit a word or feeling to an object.  But I don't have the skills to make e item I can see in my mind's eye.  I am not a completer finisher or detail conscious.  I am becoming very worried about being able to finish anything properly.

I have thought about my roller towels.  I cannot worry myself sick about finding cloth narrow enough to get a selvedge both sides.  The edges will just have to be turned.  I did not like the spaced repeat pattern, so it might be a single image on each one, with a printed "glass cloth" with the words "Women's Work" and "Unending" on it.  Maybe just the stripe.  Maybe with some cross stitch lettering.  Not sure what colour.  I wondered about sepia, as it is a warm but old colour.  But I don't want to do vintage.  Maybe autumnal colours.

I think the curtains idea was great but I can't see how to complete it to a sufficiently high standard.  My computer skills are not up to it.  I could work it in screen print but I don't want to use binder as it makes the fabric too stiff to subsequently stitch into and I have no experience using the gel pastes.

I feel very disheartened that I am only using skills that I already possessed before I started uni.