Still finding it hard going

Today I could have sat and wept on several occasions.  I was working on my hand sketches of kitchen equipment.  I will upload photos later.  I managed to work quite well with Photoshop (yippee!) and lifted the sketches from the scan, onto a photoshop document, and created 6 pieces ready to print for my 12" stretcher frames.  To be honest they are not high art, but good enough to get me moving creatively again.  They are now queued for print on the textile printer, although the technician is off sick at present.  No matter, I can wait.

But to be honest, although I get lots of positive feedback on my fine-lining drawing, I find them a bit tame.  I like bolder, stronger, freer drawing, with lots of variation. What is significant to me about the kitchen equipment, is how much work women do with them. But when I showed them to Antje, she loved the drawing style, then suggested I draw the colander with a very deep bowl to suggest nothing could get out, and a very shallow one more like a saucer.  I just don't get it.

Then later I was describing my idea for fabric for a dress for me to wear at the exhibition show.  I have re-read my dissertation recently and realised I have stopped handling fabric, and this is critical to my thought processes.  I wanted to make a 1950s dress, with my kitchen tool drawings around the hem, just because I like this style.  Yet when I mentioned it to one tutor, she was supportive, whereas Antje said it was not contemporary, and that I should look at Vogue and Harpers Bazaar to get a trendy application for it.  Since when have I been trendy?!  So I feel as if every idea I have had has been slapped down.  But I do acknowledge I need to take on board feedback, so I will look at these magazines.

Jim is completely unfazed by my struggles at present.  He says I am always down hearted in November and that it always comes true in the end.  It does not alter the fact that it is very uncomfortable at the time.

And yet, when we were looking at my jug drawing, Antje commented that I appear to be a person for whom the jug is always seen as half full.  I feel very much as if my cup is half empty so I obviously come across as very different to how I feel.